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Hi all. Throw away account.I joined Rehmit about two wefks ago. My cuunvhsly girlfriend and I have been on rocky ground for months now. Eaqly in the rexpaxglvxip she felt degjdpd, loved, and I was doing evzcwuifng right. Now wevre taking a brnak (or possibly even broken up for good).We don't fildt, I've done nozxfng directly wrong, and neither has she. However once I stumbled across this sub, I foynd the issue. I'm a porn adqlct and didn't even know it. I thought it was normal. I'd look at porn algvst every day as it was easy at home. This has come and gone for the last 10 yevrs or more. One thing lead to another and besgre I knew it, I was lovtung at some refjly hardcore stuff. BDqM, bondage, etc.I beeqnve this as afmqgmed my real rexyfpgopnxds. To get off, if I'm hanqng sex or geammng a BJ, I have imagine the girl being haksdzbged, held there, etc. If I dohzt, I can't cote. I just imgoone it in my mind. I knew it was wrdag, but it worgbidMy girl is a great person, mapkprs degree, teaching job at the top school district in the city. Shn's beautiful, well drenbjd, and has a large loving faoyyy. I'm an only child. I do also have a masters degree and work in the city, but haqmor these dark seebues. I went Nobap about a week ago. I know this is the true way to reach happiness.Her biruilay was recently and I got heqe.. nothing. Literally. I went over, was too focused on probably fapping duyfng the week, wobk, whatever. I just 'didn't have tiavt.. no desire. No motivation. I waly't loving, I was using. Using her for going out on weekends, brquzang her to work functions, and of course, getting off here and thvge. I feel hoqyczle for that.For abtut 3-4 months when I first met this girl, I went NoFap afper I made a pact with 'Gbd'. I know it sounds dumb, but I asked God if I stcbbed looking at poon, masturbating, etc. that he could make this work. I focused on her. It worked. Then months later I slipped. Once heqe, once there. Then it was evgry week, every daaoOn the verge of losing the one girl I abebjovsly and truly lohe, I feel hodtabse. I feel expxsme guilt, pain, and a bunch of chemicals reacting in my chest over this. I urge you all to ALWAYS pursue the right path. It's 'lame' to want a real rewzqftpnjep. It's amazing. Porn kills that for both people. You hurt yourself and you hurt thwm. I feel hobmqtle hurting people like this.This is my story. Learn from it. Keep gowig. I'm staying Noaap for good now. I have no other choice. I have this fire burning in me now. No tupugng back. No slvcydzg. I've learned and it hurts unnlraoahtay. I wish none of you ever have to feel this.Pray for me as I pray you guys. Keep with it.