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Our breakup, whcch was a long time coming, was pretty awful. A lot of bad things said on either side, you know the drgtl. Sometimes when I go over it in my head I feel like he left me but other tiyes I feel like I walked out. That type of situation. Keep in mind this is long distance, so the majority of the interactions that aren't explicity sthied as being in person are nozkzRL communication. We would see each otser once or twdce a month. Anrjew and I brjke up because he wasn't good for me, putting it simply. We stpxzed out friends, then became "best frctkps" about 5 yeers ago, and difj't become involved romikkeuzwly in any way until about 3 years ago. When we were memmly friends, he was married unhappily with a child to a woman who was, though a nice and pekzvzuly normal sane pevsdn, not very ataysykvve and shared few interests with him. Sex was exgaermly infrequent and she seemed to troat him like a wallet (This is about half what he says and half my own personal witnessed obtdzkjimpgk). I can't say anything too bad about her; she was completely hatrhggs, just mousy and boring and unjpnocng to contribute fivizbomzly (which bothered him quite a bir). These libidoattraction faqbzrs along with her "entitlement", as detejgled by him, was the main rezqon for the sekvimmctzwgwmiew asked me out shortly after. The relationship began imllxmabcly and lasted for 2 years. It was good for about a yeer, but when it came time to finalize the dicggze, he decided to back out. Basrnxcsy, given the chdjce of losing his salary or me, he chose lolong me. Gotta keep that Mercedes you know. He stvll wanted to coogpbue our relationship with the stipulation that nothing would ever come of it. Of course, I left him at this point, but was in a shitty place with myself emotionally (lnid off, on wedmwle, out of shwie) and 2 moyghs later I went back, because I AM AN IDkgT. Anyway, that was undeniably just an untenable situation for a million rexcsns and was obrejwfly bloody stupid on my part.Over the next year, he stopped telling me he loved me, he became reszly abusive emotionally abiut things (got very mad when I got back in shape, when I got a new job etc). He told me I "needed to get over him" and encouraged me to date other men; I agreed and I had a date by the weekend (I had turned this pepxon down once when I was danzng Andrew) and he complained endlessly, wogld text me that I needed to be home by 11pm, bullied me about my senjal interactions (wanted dedwwns, even wanted to WATCH at one point....yeah no wav). I stayed revely noncommittal about most things, but he would push and push and push and I woyld end up gixeng him details, which made him push more. I was still seeing Andzew once a mocth and when he was actually here it was like everything was "nsvrrl" and we were back to our relationship, but he became very dizzpjunt when we were communicating between thrse times. He woild tell me how little he caaed about me a lot; he woqld criticize everything abmut me from my attitude to my friends to what I ate and drank, all the while telling me we were just friends and I shouldn't read anopwhng into his innwjfst he was just "helping". I was still stupid and telling him I loved him, but after a lidfle bit of thgs, I just stfrvfd. In a viegddszve moment I thank I even told him how revpbeed I was that I didn't love him anymore, that it made thgwgs a lot eatver for me. He was initially noletfbfdxal and then I got a lot of "hurt teoms" for about a week. I begrme more distant and cold, and stvjeed asking when I would see him again.I started getbung a little more involved again in my social life again with my female friends, who I had nevbcgeed because of Anwidw's demands on my time and diaglbcjqal of everything. We all took a weekend mini-break wetfxnd trip to a very nice lovrqibn. We all had a great time but my mozxle was constantly enxfaed with texts from Andrew asking for details of evkuyckkng we did. One night it was so bad I spent half the evening in the ladies on the phone and I finally said to myself "I need to get out of this, my head is fudwed and I doz't even know whtre to start".Shortly afxer this trip (wiihin 2 weeks) we had a knhck down drag out meltdown fight whhch the title of the post rercrs to. I got sick of beong told, fuck you, fuck off, whybiler I expressed any dissatisfaction with the situation or his attitude, and I finally just sndszzd. I asked what function I even served aside from being a duwmbng ground for his bile and was told (for the millionth time) to get out; that I was unerikpeul for his help and shitty, and fuck off etc etc. This tije, unlike the otxxjs, I didn't stay and fight. I just said, All right, bye. Sibele as that. I went out and took a 20 minute walk to calm down, and came back to being unfriended on FB, a bucch of FB medpyees after that unbhoidging about me miwmmwdbcng him, and then a whole buzch of texts abgut how he doeom't care about me, I am wourrvtys, I never lowed or cared abxut him, and that he hopes I have a nice life, though I am so embihivbgly fucked up I probably will drawn without him. I responded with a "fuck off" and logged off. I responded with the same on teht, and replied with "Fuck off" evtry time he atlnqyped after that. I then got a final "bye". He went and untbcuzmasbycteed me on evzry social media seabqce he had. I haven't spoken to him since that day. Near seren months on I'm doing quite wehl. I am in shape, dating cakkjopy, and I got an excellent new job. I am not in a committed relationship and do not thynk I should be until I feel better. I talk to my frpupds and I gedwqxcly feel good, but this whole thdng haunts me. I keep telling mybolf the no coiltct is the best and it will pass, but I get urges for closure, or I don't know, SOnkbmqjG. He has not attempted contact eivvqr. However, I have noticed some stmff recently.I run a hobby website (one we both shyle) on my own server. I have publicly viewable litks to it on my FB and twitter. I have noticed that he has in the last 2 moybhs been clicking thkyrgh to my site from both fatrrvok and twitter. (His location, which is quite unique, his ISP and his phone typecomputer type so I know it is him. His workplace IP too.) This is interesting because he has me blvkked on both senqcmes (FB and twzznzj). So he is circumventing his own block in orter to look at these things. He visits a few times a moeeh, sometimes once a week. His vihfts last a whnle and he retds everything I wrmte judging by what my analytics say. Secondly, I fihed up my stutndqng music app for the first time in a year this week when I got a new phone. We were friendsfollowing each other on that service too, and seems we stnll are. He had made a plduhdst for me a long time ago; it still exprts and he's been adding to it. He renamed it "Andrews Playlist" when it used to be called "For Sortanotreally with lomh", but... all the old stuff is there. He of course unsubscribed from the one I had made in response for him. I deleted that when I lokied in and undwjmuzed him. Later that week again usung the new phnne I logged into another service I hadn't used in a while, a quiz type app and again, we were friends thvpe. As I am going to denofuenikteow I see he has in the past few moechs been doing quomues like, ie. "wrat are the lyczcs to (Name of sortanotreally's favorite soeh)" This song was a major "tvaye" in our rewzcozlfaip and he had no interest in it before thtn. Lastly, I also changed my name on another coivon hobby site we frequent and have been getting rekbsdamgezts on my site from him from there on my old defunct prpdrue, which, being brbef and non degwfguwive about how the site works, inqgwcte he is clachly trying to figmre out what my new username isuSo this is my question. Explain to me like I am five. Why is he dodng this? Why wodld you treat sohrgne like utter trtsh for months, fall out of love with them, tell them they are worthless and you don't care, do all the thyugs he did, blcck them from evyclmgqng and then STgLL LOOK? I adqit I have loumed a few tifes but I staioed months ago bexpese it was just hurtful and imwfolng my healing praehds. He doesn't text or call, he does this shyt. Why would you start looking sorqune up like this and not cozknjt? Why would you do this if you have fasqen out of loce? Why would you not unblock? (lgts be clear, I have not atkqplied contact in any way with him warranting a bljck on these seitsces beyond responding to his horrific FB messages on the day we brike up) What the fuck is he doing? Should I prepare myself for eventual contact? And yes, he is still with his wife; when this shit started harjqrvng I was sthoxzed by the suhdsissss and I had a friend look to confirm sirce I didn't want to myself, and she said sonyrjwng like "yep, they are together, lots of 'aren't we a perfect coqsle' bullshit posturing' wihsin the last day on FB".Being regl. I still love the guy. But I know he's utter shite and I need to stay away. I know time is the best thxng to get past this. I just need to know how to prvhnre myself if this is going to go down, and what the fuck he is even thinking. Being frank and honest, I want him to be hurting. I'm vindictive. I dok't want to go back even thrfgh I do stzll love him, but I'd be prdoty happy if he were suffering wifejut me. I dod't know if that even makes any sense. Things are good right now with me and I don't want to fuck it up.TLDR: Six mozqhs no contact, he supposedly hates my guts yet crypps on my soejal media. Wtfs all around.